Some people love and embrace the single life. But many others desire long term, fulfilling relationships. The challenge is that you cannot force someone to be in a relationship with you. Not all relationships work out, not all potential partners are available or ready for commitment, and not everyone is able to find “the one” in the timeframe they’re hoping for.
What then?
What happens when you desire a relationship – one that ideally leads to marriage or similar long term commitment – but are struggling to find one?
Amazing, fulfilling relationships can happen at any time. Some people find “the one” in their 50s, 60s, even later in life. Others will find their matches tomorrow. Most of us will never know what our own personal time frame will be.
But, no matter when your relationship happens, life is still moving on, and you want that life to be as amazing and fulfilling it can be. You want to be able to wake up – whether single or married – and feel like your past was as enjoyable as possible, separate from your relationship status.
To do that, you have to learn how to love yourself – and you have to learn how to love being single without necessarily giving up on relationships.
Finding Joy in Singlehood
There’s a belief in the dating world that you are most likely to find a partner when you’re not looking for one, and there’s probably some truth to that. Seeking and desiring a relationship too strongly can have unintended consequences, such as increasing the emotional burden on yourself or your partner, or choosing to date those that may not be the right fit for you.
Embracing the single life, then, is a part of dating. You have to learn to be able to embrace your life as it is now, rather than putting too much pressure on where it could be. That means:
- Staying active in activities that you enjoy *because* you enjoy them, rather than activities that you engage in to find a mate.
- Learning to date in emotionally healthy ways, and being careful about how you use dating apps and other relationship tools.
- Loving yourself no matter where your relationships may take you – including whether or not you have children.
- Being comfortable with a breakup, even as you get older, without putting pressure on every relationship to succeed.
- Being comfortable with yourself enough that you can be alone and still enjoy your day to day life.
- Finding goals for yourself as an individual, and finding ways to both reach those goals and create new ones that keep you fulfilled throughout life.
I’m a therapist that works with single adults to help them find fulfilling relationships. But part of that process is also loving yourself outside of a relationship, and making sure that your happiness is not entirely relationship based.
Embracing the idea of being “Single Forever” doesn’t mean giving up on relationships, or that you’ll never find one. You may find one, quite literally, tomorrow. But it does mean that your happiness isn’t based on your ability to find and be in one, and that you have goals and fun and contentment that come independently of that.
Starting the Next Steps
If you have felt as though being single has caused you struggles, or you’re putting a lot of pressure on the idea of finding a relationship and are feeling less happy with yourself as you remain single, please reach out to me today. I offer individual relationship therapy and singles counseling, with the goal of helping you live your best life, whether that’s single, in a relationship, or married. Reach out today to get started.
