As an individual relationship therapist, I work with individuals – rather than couples – to help address relationship-related challenges. For those that are single or dating, this may mean breaking relationship habits, or helping people address past traumas.
For those in relationships, however, typically the goal is to save or heal a struggling relationship. While some people come for personal growth, others come because they are in need of personal support to help them overcome marriage-related challenges.
The goal is to stay together.
But what if you’re not meant to?
Marrying the Right Person
Society tends to assume that the act of getting married implies that you were meant to be together. Maybe you have your problems, maybe you do not, but you *should* work it out, you *should* find a way to work through your issues.
Sometimes, they’re right. The legal, emotional, and sometimes religious challenges associated with ending a marriage can be substantial. If you’re with someone you truly love, built on what was originally a strong foundation, can mean that there is something genuinely worth saving.
The problem is that some people do not marry the “right person.”
I mentioned earlier that many single people reach out to a therapist to help figure out why they’re not meeting the right people, why they have these maladaptive patterns, and how to overcome past traumas.
There are also many people that do not see a therapist that find partners without having healed from those issues. Those individuals may find that they may have committed to and married partners that were genuinely not right for them – not just that they grew apart or had too much conflict, but that the basis of their relationship was on factors (like trauma, attachment issues, or negative patterns) that the person is not actually compatible with.
There are many people that marry someone that genuinely was not right for them.
Figuring Out the Next Steps
Because love is so important, and because it can be such a challenge to separate oneself from a marriage or long term relationship, the first step is to see if the marriage is something that can be healed. I, like most experienced therapists, will never recommend a divorce except as a last resort.
Still, through therapy, we may find that the partner you chose and relationship you started was not right for you. If that happens, it’s not a failure to leave. It’s an acknowledgment that you’re growing and changing, and that the person you were before isn’t the person you are now.
Ready for individual help with your relationship? Licensed throughout Arizona, please reach out to me today.
