We’ve spoken in the past about some of the challenges of dating apps. These apps provide accessibility to other single people, but that same accessibility has a drawback: it is harder both mentally and psychologically to commit, both for yourself AND for the other person.
Modern dating apps have a “Grass is Always Greener” problem. Both partners tend to keep using dating apps while they get to know the person they’re with, meeting new people or finding new people (more) attractive, even while they’re going on dates with someone they’re interested in. Even if they do stop using the apps, they know that the apps are there, and there will be that feeling that someone else could be out there.
App accessibility also means that many people use apps to find someone fast without thinking about long term compatibility. Some people are not even truly looking for relationships, even if they think they are. Overall, dating apps may be the easiest way to meet people, and many people have had successful relationships from these apps, but it is an uphill battle.
What Can Be Done to Make Dating Apps More Effective
If you’re single, it’s hard to get away from online dating. Most single people rely on it, which means that if you’re not meeting people online you could be missing out on a large chunk of the dating pool.
Still, you also need to make sure that you’re using it in a way that is conducive to long term relationships. Consider the following:
Focus on Long-Term Compatibility
One of the main pitfalls of dating apps is that people tend to make quick decisions based on appearance or a few lines of text. While attraction is important, long-term compatibility requires more than surface-level information.
Take the time to assess whether the person you’re talking to has values, goals, and lifestyles that align with yours. Even if it slows down the process, it prevents wasted time and disappointment later.
Limit Your App Usage
When you are consistently browsing, swiping, and chatting with multiple people, it becomes harder to commit to one. If you find yourself constantly returning to the app while dating someone, set boundaries for yourself.
Limit your time on the app or pause your profile if you meet someone you genuinely want to explore further. If possible, delete your account altogether so that you’re giving this one your all, and you have to start from scratch if you go back.
This creates the space for a real connection to grow rather than competing for attention with the next match. It also reduces temptation if you feel like the relationship is struggling since you’d have to go through the signup process again.
Limit Your Matches
Since you’re looking for long term partnerships, you do not have to swipe and start conversations with 100 people at a time. Look for the people that really seem like they speak to your needs, start real conversations with those people only, and do not look for anyone else as you’re allowing those conversations to grow.
Clarify Intentions Early
Many people are uncertain about what they want when they first get on dating apps. You can reduce confusion and mismatches by being clear about your own intentions from the start. If you are looking for a committed relationship, communicate that. If the other person is not aligned, you’ll save yourself the frustration of investing in someone who is not prepared for the same outcome.
Balance Online and Offline Effort
Apps are only one way to meet people. Relying exclusively on them can be limiting and may even create a sense of detachment from the process. Balance online dating with offline opportunities, such as hobbies, social groups, or community activities. Meeting people in different contexts often provides a more realistic picture of compatibility.
Know Yourself
As a therapist in Phoenix that works with singles, one of the things I stress is how important it is to know yourself and what you’re looking for, so that you’re not going into these dating apps seeking people to reinforce patterns that already exist.
Some people choose to work with a therapist on their dating profile so they attract people that might be a good fit. Others need to learn to communicate so that they can keep the matches they do find. For those that find that their reliance on dating apps is making it harder for them to find relationships, a therapist can help you navigate the way that you approach these dates and make sure that you’re doing so in a way that fits your personality and needs.
Being Single Doesn’t Have to Be a Challenge
Dating apps may be the way many people meet these days, but if you’re not careful, you may be using it in a way that is not ideal for long term relationships.
Be aware of how your use of dating apps – and the way that other people may be using these apps – can impact your relationship, and don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist or individual relationship counselor that might be able to help you navigate the difficult emotions and experiences that can impact your ability to find love.
For more information, or to get support, please reach out to me today. I am able to serve the entire state of Arizona, and located in the Phoenix and Chandler area for those that are looking to connect.
