Many of us are addicted to our phones now, and it’s a hobby that is unquestionably unhealthy for our mental health and wellness. Entire books have been written about the science of phone addiction, and there’s almost no evidence that our reliance on phones and social media has much benefit to our health.
Still, this blog is not focused on delving deep into all of the issues that phone addiction and social media cause. Instead, we are going to focus on one specific problem associated with phone addiction and scrolling: burnout, and the effect it has on a relationship.
What is Burnout?
Burnout is a state of mental, emotional, and even physical exhaustion that is caused by significant and prolonged stress and pressure. It is best associated with work; a person finding themselves overworked and under a lot of pressure at the office, causing them to feel overwhelmed physically and mentally to the point where they feel like they can’t handle it anymore, and feel like they’re shutting down. Burnout causes irritability, exhaustion, anxiety, even depression.
Burnout in the Context of a Relationship
Burnout is often associated with work, but it can be caused by anything that causes prolonged stress, and that includes relationship. Burnouts may be caused by a relationship itself, or it can be caused by outside factors (like work, school, family drama) that just bleeds into a relationship and can make the relationship feel overwhelming.
For example, a “toxic” relationship may create burnout. If a person feels like they can no longer handle the stress of a relationship, or the work that they’re putting into it, they may feel drained to a degree that leads to burnout.
However, burnout in a relationship does not always mean the relationship itself is at fault. We live in a far more stressful world, and it’s not uncommon to experience burnout due to a wide range of factors, with the relationship being only a small part of it.
When a person feels burnt out, however, the relationship may struggle:
- Burnout makes it harder to be present in a relationship.
- Burnout makes it easier to be irritable, annoyed, or overwhelmed.
- Burnout can make a relationship feel less joyous and hopeful.
When a person is overwhelmed, they may not be able to communicate with their partner, express needs, or create a relationship that is designed to last.
What Does This Have to Do With Phones?
Once again, entire books could be written about relationship burnout, but let’s talk specifically about phones and phone addiction.
Something to understand about phones is that the way it makes you feel is the opposite of what it does to your brain.
Most of us scroll our phones *because* we’re feeling overwhelmed. When we’re scrolling, it feels like we’re relaxed. It feels like we’re able to drown out the stresses of the world. Many times people refer to this as “vegging” – they’re finally doing a task that allows them to feel like they’re relaxed and life isn’t so overwhelming.
But while it might feel this way, the effects it has on the brain are the exact opposite. Scrolling is *overstimulating.” One of the reasons are brains feel relaxed to us is because we simply cannot process all that information at once, so our brain essentially stops processing, almost like the processes of your brain are temporarily shutting down.
The problem is that this level of stimulation is still overwhelming to your brain. You may *feel* more relaxed, but your brain is more stressed. It is trying to process hundreds of photos and thousands of videos, and it can’t handle it all, so your brain is also getting burnt out.
Being present in your relationship is important for making it successful. When your brain is overstimulated in this way, not only are you not present, but your burnout becomes worse. You become less able to cope with that burnout and still feeling just as overwhelmed, making you more irritable at your partner.
Not only are you on your phone instead of spending time with your partner, but when you’re off your phone you are just as overwhelmed, and it becomes harder to cope with your partner’s needs and attention.
But if you can learn to get off your phone and be present with your partner, you may find that not only is your relationship stronger, but your burnout may improve as well, because spending time with a partner you love tends to be a healthier way to relax.
Addressing Phone Addiction for a Better Relationship
This is only one of many ways that phone addiction can affect a relationship, but it is an often forgotten one. It is important to realize that, in a world where many of us are more burnt out than ever before, those of us in relationships have to consider prioritizing other methods of coping with stress in order to make our relationship(s) stronger.
Are you struggling with burnout, or need help in your relationships? My name is Kavita, and I am a therapist in Phoenix that is more than happy to help you with your mental health needs. Please reach out to me today to learn more.
